they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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