You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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