I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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