I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
