this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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