No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
