just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
