Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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