She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
do nipples grow back?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
