Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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