listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
