I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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