dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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