I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
