Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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