Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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