oh god the rape fog is back!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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