i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
