I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
