The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
