also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
