I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
