I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drake has all the answers
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
