I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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