she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
