After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
