Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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