we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
BRING THE BAGELS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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