I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i permit you to call me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
