Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
