Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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