Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
