note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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