God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
