Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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