Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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