I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
