its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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