I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You made out with two different species that night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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