I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
