were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
