Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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