You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
