someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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