dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
