'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
