You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
