Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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