We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
