So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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