Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
