I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
