Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
