the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
